Kebz

Kebz showed up in 2023, a rookie in a league full of grizzled degenerates, and immediately went 12-2 with the #1 seed. He has never had a losing season. His career winning percentage is .690 — the best in Goodfellas history, and it isn't close. From September through November, no manager who has ever touched this league is better. The problem is that fantasy championships are handed out in December.

The ledger of winter failures is getting hard to ignore. 2023: #1 seed, reaches the Finals, gets flattened 163–109.7 by bschutter, who then retired — meaning Kebz's title window was slammed shut by a man who no longer exists. 2024: 10-4, promptly loses back-to-back playoff games, including one to chopkins01, a manager who played a single season and vanished. Kebz has now lost playoff games to two different ghosts. 2025 brought a third-place finish, which is at least tangible, in the way a participation ribbon is tangible.

And here is the asterisk the league keeps laminated: that immortal 12-2 rookie year was the luckiest season ever recorded — four full wins better than his scoring said he deserved, an official league record. The machine produces wins at a rate no one can match; it has simply never once produced them in the game that matters. He owns RyanAndrew88 and kkissel2121 at a combined 6-0 lifetime, and goes 1-4 against Tony, because apparently even machines have a natural predator. The ring is coming, probably. The league has stopped holding its breath.